Very thoughtful posts everyone, thanks for sharing! Angus H. you’ve won our random blogger gift certificate this week. It’s a $10 addition to your Watcard – that you can use on food, photocopies, etc. I’ll email you to pick it up in Sept.
Back to the book! A couple events of note that occur in this chapter include the big fight where Jeanette’s mom and dad are so vocal and alarming in their discussion they bring an audience. Yet although the argument becomes dangerous, no one reacts – we’ll come back to this later in the summer to discuss. Jeanette also begins to really describe the hunger the family faces. Margarine is fought over as food for a meal.
Another event, which you’ll note this blog is titled after is what I call, “Sink or swim” (p. 65-66). Jeanette’s dad throws her over and over into the water, where she almost drowns in order to teach her to swim. It reads, …you can’t cling to the side your whole life, that one lesson every parent needs to teach a child is “If you don’t want to sink, you better figure out how to swim.”
SJU, what do you think of this approach? Have you ever felt this way – maybe in a new situation, new job, etc? How did you sink…or swim?
Hopefully we don’t treat our students this way! Campus Ministry is the unit on campus we are introducing in this blog. SJU Campus Ministry extends hospitality to students of all faith backgrounds and values different experiences and traditions. SJU Campus Ministry creates and implements events that build community spirit and a sense of belonging. You’ll see our chaplain Martha Fauteux participating at many events such as Relay For Life (for the Canadian Cancer Society) and our monthly community dinners (every Tuesday night – all on and off campus SJU students welcome). Martha is just back from vacation and will hopefully pop in on Wednesday to introduce herself and her role.
So SJU – sink or swim?
P.S. for next week, please read p. 81-109.
SJU Reads 
This section of the book really intrigued me. The advice Jeanette’s father gave her must have really sparked her, considering she lives in a life of adventure and unpredictability. I think Jeanette’s father gave her this advice because he had to figure out how to swim in a life where sinking is incredibly easy. He has done anything but cling to the side his whole life – where dreams and aspirations for his family push him to keep swimming.
A time where it was hard for me to let go of “the side” was during my years of competitive trampolining. I had become very experienced with a variety of intricate flips when suddenly I kept psyching myself out; I bailed on my tricks practically every time and almost always it would be very unexpected. This scared me for a long time and It was very difficult to continue to be persistent – I was sinking. The fear of failure made it very difficult for me to just do the tricks without assistance, and I felt a sense of loss in my potential as a trampolinist. It was definitely a rough road though I am happy though I did not give up on getting back to where I was before the incidents. Even though I was desperate to get back at the level I was, and that the fear held me back, I still competed and slowly improved.
It was a fantastic learning experience because I now know the importance of keeping self-confidence and optimism and how effective it can be for success. It made me realize that yes, failure can be torture, but it can also teach you how to swim in other aspects of your life. This situation taught me to stay strong and to have hope.
Competitive trampolining, how cool is that! Great share Jade. Diana from SJU’s SSO here, when reading the sink or swim part of the novel I felt Jeanette become somewhat cynical of her father’s motivations. Personally I think the sink or swim technique works well sometimes but not in life or death or high risk situations. It can breed resentment or like in the novel potentially harm a relationship. A quick example here – I remember shortly after obtaining my driver’s license my dad suddenly buying a standard (which no one in our family knew how to drive). He took me to the parking lot to practise and it seemed like 5 minutes later he took me on main roads. I was aghast! What if I stalled and caused a car accident? Luckily my adrenaline kicked in and I drove better then than in the weeks of practicing directly after. I was not impressed though with my dad though forcing me to do that. A funny example perhaps.
That’s an interesting take on it! I see what you mean, although sometimes it can be self-rewarding to give yourself that little push to take a healthy risk! I think what’s important is to remember how that push can affect someone else if you are trying to motivate them, even if you mean well!
Hi there! As Diana mentioned I’ve been on holidays and now back I’d like to take this time to introduce myself. I’m Martha and when you come to campus feel free to drop by Sweeney Hall. I’d love to meet you. Campus Ministry offers many opportunities to build community and a place to chat. I work with great Peer Ministers and other student leaders who will help you feel supported in the many activities and programs they execute. Often times when students first come away from home it can feel like you are sinking and you really want to swim. Many of the supports you used to have can seem far away. I like to see my role as helping students find those people who can help them swim.
Like Jade this part of the book had me Intrigued as well. Reflecting further, I remember feeling like Jeanette many times in my life! When I think of those times the most common element is that I felt alone and afraid to let go. I often struggled with the believe I had to do it alone. But when I look back, I see I had people in my life who helped me let go. They were people who helped me ask the questions around the fears I had. They didn’t pull my arms and throw me in but they did challenge me to let go of my fears and insecurities so I could risk moving into the new. I’m so grateful for those people in my life.
Thanks Diana! 🙂
The sink of swim situation I think is an interesting one and it is hard to say what the best approach is. I think it largely depends on your situation as well as what you are trying to learn. Often times if something his a high risk and high consequence scenario, it is best to take your time and learn it. Although, some situations make this difficult. I am lucky enough to be on a trip to Europe right now and we visited the Resistance Museum in Amsterdam yesterday which was great timing. Many people living in Holland were forced to adapt and people our age had to learn to survive on their own in many cases. This is an example where situation meant people couldn’t afford to take time to learn how to get things done such as fight or arrange to illegally hide. I thought it was a great example where clinging to the edge wasn’t possible due to situation.
Thought I’d also mention that my Dad took me out in a standard for the first time fairly recently. I had an experience similar to Diana. I had driven with Mom for about half a kilometre on a backroad once and Dad got me to drive a trip that normally took 45 minutes. Some rubber was definitely burnt but I’ve started to get the hang of it though. I certainly have some more practicing to do. In many ways it was good, but it certainly showed how these situations can make for serious frustration!
I find it funny how my mum is a lot more uptight when I drive than is my dad, and for me I felt a lot more focused and it was a lot easier driving with him! I was unsure whether I was too relaxed! haha
It was definitely the opposite for myself. My mom was pretty relaxed, but dad tended to have a stream of criticism. I think it is good to have both though. My dad’s criticism has driven me to do better and I think he knew I learn well that way. That said, mom always helped me feel confident and took a more encouraging approach. Both are important at times.
I went really slowly while driving, yet I only got 10 hours of instruction from my driving school.
Though I usually like this kind of slow pacing, I still wonder if I would have gotten more out of my lessons had my teacher challenged me to go faster than I was comfortable – or would I have sunk?
I actually really like this technique as long as it’s done in a safe way. I wouldn’t necessarily trust Jeanette’s dad, but I’m sure she does and that’s all she really needs in order to be successful. She trusts that her dad won’t actually let her drown but he also isn’t going to baby her and caudle her in order to teach her something. She must learn on her own to swim or sink trying.
I am normally a cautious person, and a perfectionist. Consequently, I tend to avoid doing something if I can’t do it perfectly. When I was registering for my grade 12 IB exams I wasn’t going to do the english exam (I had convinced myself I was a math and science person). I had to have a meeting with the high school coordinator to register, and he convinced me to try for the english exam. All he said was ‘I know you can do it’ and that I would be selling myself short by choosing not to do it. …he then proceeded to register me. In the end I did it, and got a pretty decent mark too, but all I needed was that push.
It wasnt the literal push like in the book, and not as potentially life threatening… but sometimes all you need is that extra push, knowing that someone has confidence that you will be able to do it.
Yay for IB. Another IB certificate student!
well I am a little ahead of schedule i suppose since I have already completed the book. I found that this section of the book really started to expose more of the problems of the Walls family. It actually shows that although they believe that they are on adventures not everything is perfect anymore and in reality many of the family members are sick of this type of lifestyle.
The sink or swim technique really represents the character of Jeannette’s dad because it is all about taking risks. He lives in the moment and takes numerous risks through work, gambling, etc. Unfortunately, when his risks do not pay off, he is not the only one who suffers as his family is affected as well. It is a bit ironic that he was trying to force his daughter to not give up and to succeed when he told her she had to learn to swim and kept throwing her back in. I wondered if he was so insistent because he is unable to succeed and persevere in his own life. His solution to problems is to literally run away from them and not to swim and stick them out. Perhaps, like many parents, he wants his children to grow up to have better lives and be better people than he could be.
My latest sink or swim moment has been with a new job. The first day I was overwhelmed and couldn’t keep up to the pace of the work. I ended up working for an hour of unpaid overtime since the rule is that you go when the work is done. I left work that day planning on quitting. When I got home my mother encouraged me to not give up and reminded me that I can’t be perfect at something the first time I try it. Patience isn’t my strength, and I disliked not being good at something right away. However, I ended up swimming – and I’m still swimming at my job. I still have some days where it’s tough, but I have certainly improved. I hate to say it, but mom was right! 😛
Since some people were commenting on how the Walls family is showing more of its flaws/disfuntionality, I wanted to comment on something I’d been thinking about during this section of the book. I feel like when I first meet people that become friends/significant others, it often starts out very exciting and there are few problems. As I get to know them better, I learn more unpleasant things about them and there are disagreements and such. Overcoming differences and disagreements and learning to accept each others flaws (or otherwise work on them) can be a huge challenge, but I feel like all of my close friendships have become much stronger because of it.
This week I thought about life working in a similar way. As children, we see the world as exciting and flawless, and Jeanette sees her life as a wonderful adventure. We can see in this section how she, and especially her brother, begin to question their lifestyle and the values of the world around them. We are all sort of in this phase right now, learning about how unfair the world can be and all of the problems and injustice. I feel like as we push through this point in our life and rediscover the good, life becomes a lot more meaningful and enjoyable. I hope that the same can happen for Jeanette as the story progresses.
As for the sink or swim thing (oh wow this is going to end up pretty long, sorry) – that part of the book really freaked me out. I’ve always been super cautious, never doing things I wasn’t comfortable with or didn’t think I knew enough about to succeed. I began walking at a somewhat late age, but when I started, I barely fell. I’ve always hated the idea of being forced to do things, my parents didn’t believe in it either, and have resented those who have tried.
I’ve been thinking about the teaching method all week, and can really understand how there will always be sink/swim situations in life, and how many Jeanette’s father was good to help her develop the ability to manage these situations. However, in the end, I decided that there is definitely a difference between being placed in this situation by one’s own choice/mistakes/just plain bad luck, and being forced into the situation by someone. I think creating a relationship of listening/trust/comfort is extremely important in friendships/family/relationships, and don’t see how forcing someone to do something they are uncomfortable with with to help them figure it out faster would ever result in this kind of trust.
I am placed in situations where I need to think quickly or else fail often in my life, and though I find them uncomfortable, I’ve learned to deal with them. A lot of these situations happen at camp where I’m a counsellor, since interaction with parents/campers needs to stay professional, safe, and fun, and often situations come up totally unexpectedly. However, no one has ever forced me into these situations on purpose. If I ever was uncomfortable with something, I’ve been able to ask someone else to take over for me. I’ve developed a lot of skills and experience over the years I’ve spent as a counsellor, and these are what help me work through unexpected situations.
I think that in order to help someone swim instead of sink, one should never force a situation on someone, but rather help to develop their skills/experience so when they eventually end up in a stressful situation, they will be able to push through and learn to swim (without the trauma).
(yeah o_o sorry that was pretty long – so hopefully some of you find will it interesting 🙂 Comment if you have any thoughts)
Then comment I shall. 😛 I think you make some really great points and I agree. One thing I’d be interested to know your opinion on is the idea of idealism vs. reality. In North America, where there is a fair bit of wealth, many people are able to take their time to adapt. But there are also a lot of people who do not have the option to learn things step-by-step. I mentioned one example, but there are a lot of other situations where people are forced to pick things up right away. It is a hard question to answer definitively.
Sorry, forgot to change my name. Gr1m3y is Angus. 😛
Honestly, knowing myself, I tend to be more an idealist. But I do like being challenged to think about the complications of reality.
I think that it kind of ties back to the whole idea that these people are not being placed in these situations by someone to “teach them a lesson” but because they have no other choice. I also feel like in some poorer groups of people, or people with limited rights and freedoms, even though they struggle to survive and have to learn skills very quickly, there is often a sense of community and that people are able to pick things up faster because they are able to work together to solve the problems.
I think one of the reasons that the sink or swim passage in The Glass Castle freaked me out so much (apart from her father doing it to her on purpose) is because Jeanette was so alone in her drowning and had no one to watch/talk to/learn from. Though I know for sure that there are still people that are placed in these situations while being isolated, and I guess that just makes it harder for them
whoops forgot to log in – sorry :p
wow, this is embarrassing. Here we go.
Yah, I have definitely posted anonymously by mistake a few times. 😛
People, myself included, have a tendency to be idealist, including when making an argument for something and to me it is what can make a situation interesting for discussion. A good example is ‘the Slut Walk’. For anyone who doesn’t know what it is, it is when people dress up in clothes that are revealing. The idea is that a girl should be able to dress however she wants and not have to worry about rape. Of course I agree entirely. The problem is that there are people who feel provoked by that sort of stuff, so in reality it’s perhaps best to watch what you wear. Likewise, when learning something new, it is sometimes difficult to take time. Another example that I thought about is school. There are cases where you simply need to really focus and pick things up fast, especially when your marks are important for university. As much as I hate to say it, the reality is that you are forced to learn fast or you may not get into school. The idea of idealism and realism is really interesting, and as I said before, it is incredibly difficult to come to a decisive conclusion. Sorry if I sound like I’m arguing by he way, half the time I argue with people for the sake of argument, not because I disagree. Best way to win an argument is to be able to argue both sides well. 😛
I definitely agree Angus! I often play the “Devil’s advocate” for the sake of arguing both sides. It may seem confrontational but it really shines a light on the situation and can help show what you (and others) truly believe in.
For sure! I also love thinking about both sides, which annoys the heck out of people sometimes :p
I think that there is no one that can really argue against the idea that sometimes there are situations where you will definitely sink if you can’t figure out how to swim.
The interesting debate here is how one should prepare for these situations, and how beneficial they really are (or if they just create trauma/trust issues).
People keep giving examples of situations where large groups of people are put in sink-or-swim situations, and even though it’s amazing to see how well some people figure them out, there are always people who fail and sometimes even die.
Like Jeremy said, even though in this situation Jeanette figured out how to swim, she could have easily drowned, or grown a life-long fear of the water, or lost trust in her father forever. I really feel like these kinds of situations should only be entered if really necessary (aka no other choice).
While I do believe that the “Sink or Swim” teaching method is perhaps useful during certain less important scenarios, I think taking steps towards an end goal is the best method. Jeannette and her family may live in a dog-eat-dog world where the parents rightly try to make the Walls kids self-reliant but as a concerned individual (and lifeguard) I cringe at the sight of Rex continuously stranding his daughter in the Hot Pot springs as a form of proper teaching. Jeannette successfully learned how to swim in this scenario but that situation could have gone terribly wrong. The daughter could have swallowed excessive water, given up and literally sank, or, despite Rex’s presence to help his daughter, Jeannette would for sure have lost trust in her father and would resent any other of his teachings.
That type of immediate failure in teaching any new lessons, whether it be from learning to swim to finding a new job, can create fear and cause a person to resent learning some of the most important teachings in life. Personally, as a volunteer swim instructor I have taught young swimmers who are literally afraid of the water due to accidents of falling in their pools or being held underwater by a friend. I can see that no matter what prompting from lifeguards or even their own parents, they continue to resist the water due to their built-in fear. Whatever time frame you have to learn something new, I think chopping up the teaching of task into manageable chunks will increase the chances of success and instil great confidence when that success is achieved. I know, of course, that these Sink or Swim type situations can’t always be avoided and people should do their best to adapt and “swim” however being able to take on the task slowly and with experience is ideal.
As I will be entering university in the Fall, I am constantly reminded of the huge amounts of stress and troubles with coping due to its many pressures (keeping up grades, having a social life, managing your own finances, keeping your dorm room liveable, etc.) and I am aware it will not be an easy task, to say the least. But I am especially fortunate that I have been prepared for this drastic change due to the countless experiences in high school and at home which has left the success of my university endeavour in my hands rather than at the mercy of the in-the-moment, sink or swim gamble.
I would certainly agree that in the book it is an unnecessary risk, at least it likely was. It is a little hard to tell without knowing what the place is like, were there others around, how shallow, etc. That said, there is also the side that she has, which is that as far as she is concerned, it is too deep. This can really make a situation difficult for someone as it is something that can end poorly and can become a source of huge emotional stress.
On a somewhat unrelated note, but something worth thinking about, we could consider how he was raised himself? Often when we are raised one way, it is hard to consider that other possibilities exist. As humans, we have a very difficult time grasping new concepts if we haven’t been exposed to them before. The classic example would be ‘nothing’. What is nothing like? It is impossible to perceive since we have no concept or any exposure to a complete lack of everything. Likewise, if her father was consistently raised by the ‘sink or swim’ method, perhaps he believes it is the best way. This also makes it hard to say whether or not his actions are good or bad, per se.
Although there’s a difference between thinking that something is the only right way, or good, and it actually being a good idea
I would argue that almost everything we do in life is because we think it’s the best way, or else we wouldn’t choose it. But there are tons of bad things that are done.
And then we get into the “what defines ethics? intentions? action? result?” which is a huge debate. But just to think about…
Absolutely, and that is where things can become very y difficult. The line between objective and subjective thinking is very narrow and it is difficult if even possible to define good. You could say it’s something that brings the least harm or infringes the least on others lives, but that is an opinion. Plus there’s the question of is it good to prevent harm coming to someone else by subjecting yourself to harm? Or are you as valuable in the world as that person? Difficult questions and I’m not sure that an answer exists.
Methinks onto the next blog now? 😛
agreed ^^
thanks for the great discussion 🙂